Merasmus is the greatest magician out there - if you
ignore the fact that he earned that title by winning a
game of hide-and-seek. When he prepared this year's
Scream Fortress, he followed the usual recipe: 3
teaspoons of spicy haunted pumpkins, a spoonful of
racoon hearts, and 1.666 comically large spoons of
devilish nightmares. Unfortunately, he got the
measurements wrong, because he used imperial spoons
instead of metric ones (thank you Soldier and your
damned units). As a result of his unfortunate
miscalculation, he decided to give us two thirds of a
Scream Fortress, while trying to convince us he did a
perfect job this year.
(If you just want to read
the patch notes, click here.)
Decades ago, Merasmus had two books. One was called the
Bombinomicon, and the other… well, he can't remember.
Obviously, Merasmus preferred the Bombinomicon over that
other book, because he left that other one accumulating
dust on a bookshelf. When he moved into a new apartment,
he left the book in a cardboard box reading “DO NOT OPEN
(that means you, Soldier)”. What Merasmus didn't know,
which is surprising for a magician of his supposed
allknowing-ness, was that the book was starving to
death. If you listened closely to the box, you could
hear something inside say “souls… Give me souls…”, but
you couldn't hear it very well. That's why Soldier
opened the box and asked the book to repeat again.
“I am the Tainted Tome,” yowled the book, “and I crave
for souls!” “Well too bad,” answered Soldier, “because I
do not have one anymore!”
Angered, the Tainted Tome attached itself to Soldier's
belt, and ordered him to go out and collect souls. The
end. Of that spooky Halloween story. But your story with
that cursed book is just beginning, and to be clear:
when you see how many souls this book wants you to
obtain, you will poop your pants.
Throughout history, boring nerds have often dreamed
about creating a time machine. While they were talking
about how great their machine was going to be, we
managed to build one in three months. Now typically,
when asked what they would do with a time machine,
people tend to give boring answers like “I'd kill my
grampa” or “I'd see what my kids look like in the
future”. Instead of doing any of that boring-ass stuff,
we decided to travel back to prehistory to see what came
first - the chicken, or the egg? - and of course, it was
the chicken. We killed it because it was loud and ugly.
And then we stole Merasmissions from Merasmus (say
nothing) and made our own battle pass out of it, and
we're calling it the “Scream Fortress Campaign”.
How do you access it? Well, this free battle pass
is accessible from the Items button on the navigation bar
at the top of our website. Select your contract and complete
it, collect souls, and your Tainted Tome (that you can equip
in-game!) will level up. By leveling up, you'll get rewards
such as Mann Coins, exclusive cosmetics, and keyless crates!
Whether it's your first Scream Fortress or not, now's your chance to get so scared your pants will be self-conscious on 7 of the past Scream Fortress maps, alongside these 5 new ones.
Some of you are so passionate about Halloween they release their cosmetics on October 1st. But do these people have any notion of taste? Of course not. Do we have something better to show you? No, because someone on the team got so afraid of our cosmetics they called the police, who confiscated them. Then our elite content managers broke into the police station to get them back and now there's an international arrest warrant on their heads. If you see them, say nothing. Anyway, enjoy those spooky hats and clothes.
Do you ever get bored of fighting for gravel? Are you tired of people killing you because you tried being “friendly” (whatever that is) during a match? We have a solution for this: The Creators.TF Events Servers. These are servers where you can chill on maps like dm_museum or fun maps, with silly server plugins. If you join our Discord server, you'll also get notified about events like Freak Fortress, Deathrun or Steam Workshop maps!
We're Creators.TF, and you're dead. Actually, we died too. That book took the souls of all of us.
They died as well. Not because of that book, but because they got so scared their pants said no more.
